Expectations. The bane of my existence. We all have them and we’ve all, at one time or another, experienced someone falling short of them. Now, this post isn’t to say expectations are bad and you should stop having them. 

If you’re like me and you’ve set the bar too high for yourself and you expect others to follow suit this post is for you.

I’ve lived the past 28 years this way and guess what it’s provided me with?  

DISAPPOINTMENT, stress, anxiety, resentment. 

And in most instances, it’s my own damn fault. 

I create these anxiety-inducing situations because I have trained myself that I need to outdo myself time and time again. That perfection is always the goal. That life isn’t good when things aren’t going swimmingly. That if I’m not doing the most, I’m not doing enough.

To take it a step further, here’s how these situations play out:

1) I’m disappointed because the build-up in my head was better than the actual experience & thus I ruin the present by dwelling on what could have been

2) My actions and gestures are not reciprocated. Which when not met, refer back to number 1.

And the cycle continues. 

However, over the past year I’ve slowly started to unlock the power of letting go of expectations because the reality is life doesn’t go as planned. And unlocking this superpower allows you to 1) reduce stress 2) be present 3) enjoy things & people more because you now take them at face value. 

Expectations of yourself:

Now expectations aren’t unhealthy to have, but when they become too unrealistic that’s when problems can arise. It’s all about managing your expectations, taking a breath and assessing where you’re at. 

Are the expectations you’re setting realistic? In other words, do you have the time/energy/resources/capacity to achieve this? 

Are there people dependencies for your expectations to be met? Meaning are you putting your own expectations on other people unbeknownst to them? 

How much does it matter? What is the outcome you are trying to achieve? Is there only one way to achieve said outcome or are there multiple paths and journeys you could take to get there? 

Are you prepared to relinquish control and be flexible throughout the process?

Answering these questions can help put things into perspective and help you manage your expectations in a healthy manner that allows for positive outcomes regardless of the journey it may take to get there. 

Expectations of others:

The reality is your expectations of others are yours and yours alone.

And other’s expectations of you are theirs and theirs alone. 

Meaning it’s either a you problem or a them problem and neither should concern themselves with the other.

As you sit here reading this you’re probably thinking what I used to think, if you lower your expectations or change your expectations you succumb to that other person, or are allowing less than you deserve & you’re not the type of person who allows that. But here’s the thing we can’t control others and people show us their true selves over and over again so if we expect a different outcome we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment that can be avoided. 

All of us can learn a little something from a healthy dose of reality & can save ourselves from a whole host of emotions by being flexible, adapting, and letting people and things be exactly as they are and not what we expect them to be. We need to start giving ourselves and others the grace they deserve. 

If we stop trying to fight against the waves we can learn to enjoy riding the wave. 

I do want to be clear, letting go of expectations is *REALLY HARD* and it takes constant practice, self-awareness, and adaptability. It’s messy and will continue to be messy. Some days you’ll feel really good about letting go and others you’ll have stress-inducing internal battles. Embrace the messiness.