Not long ago, we packed up our life in Texas and moved cross-country back to New Hampshire, my home state, to be closer to family. A decision that we did not come by lightly and one that most people thought would never happen. But here’s the reality I’m a mom of two young kids, who was starting to feel the weight of motherhood, my career, and life get too heavy to bear alone. And while this transition was something we had been planning and working toward for over a year, many challenges and hurdles to get there included, it shook up everything. Our routines, our comfort zones, our sense of control, all of it.

Now that we’re settling in, I’ve had a chance to reflect on what’s helped me adjust (and stay sane). Whether you’re moving across the country, starting over in a new job, navigating a separation, or just going through a season of major change, here are five things I’ve learned and hope every mom gives herself permission to do:

1. Find Joy, Once a Week, Every Week

Even if it’s just once a week, make time for joy, for yourself and allow your partner time for themselves.

That might look like strolling through Target after bedtime with a coffee in hand, biking a quiet trail solo, taking yourself out for a glass of wine, or reading your book at a café where no one is asking for snacks every 30 seconds.

Yes, you’re tired. Yes, it may feel counterproductive to leave the house after dark when you could collapse into bed. But stepping out, even briefly, gives you a sense of independence and adult freedom you forgot you missed. That little glimmer of joy? It re-energizes you.

2. Ask for Help (Whatever That Looks Like for You)

Whether it’s your parents, friends, a babysitter, or a therapist, ask for help.

Transitions are exhausting. You’re “on” all the time, managing logistics, emotions, kids’ needs, your own needs, and sometimes starting over in a new environment. Don’t try to do it all.

Maybe you need a sitter for a few hours during nap time just to get things done without interruptions. Maybe you need your parents or a friend to take the kids to the park. Maybe you need to talk to someone who gets it and can help give you tools to manage it (hello, therapy).  I know nothing comes cheap. Budget for it (forego Dinner out as a family one night, put off buying that new outfit, make dinner instead of ordering in). Plan for it. You’re worth it.

3. Relinquish Control

This one took me a while. I used to worry that if things weren’t done “my way,” my hard work with the kids; bedtimes, food boundaries, screen limits would unravel.

But here’s the truth: a few hours a week of someone else doing things differently won’t undo everything you’ve built.

If your mom lets them stay up 30 minutes later, or the sitter gives them more sugar than you’d like it’s okay. They’re safe, they’re cared for, and you got the break you needed. And that matters more in the big picture. And as they grow and your family values start sticking your kids will start to formulate their own opinions of others, who they want to spend time with, who makes them feel seen/heard/cared for.  

4. Acknowledge How Far You’ve Come

Moving, changing jobs, starting over it’s a lot. And it’s easy to keep looking ahead to what’s next. But pause.

You did the hard thing. You made a major life decision for your family. You likely spent months planning, budgeting, packing, coordinating. You landed where you needed to be. That deserves to be celebrated.

Are you reaping the benefits of the move? (More family support, less stress from family dynamics, more time for yourself, better futures for your kids?) Let that be your reminder that it was worth it and that you’re not expected to live in overdrive forever. Give yourself credit. You’ve come so far.

5. Don’t Compare, and Don’t Make Long-Term Decisions for Short-Term Problems

It’s easy to compare your current “in-between” to someone else’s highlight reel. But your job right now isn’t to have it all figured out it’s to make the next best decision for your family.

Ask yourself: What do we need to feel safe, supported, and stable for the next 2–5 years? Not forever. Just right now.

Transitions are messy. They don’t come with a manual. Be realistic about your needs. Stop chasing the dream that doesn’t fit your current life. Start creating a version of life that feels right for right now. Sometimes it ends up being the exact opposite of what you thought you needed, sometimes it’s giving yourself permission to stop chasing what you think everyone else is chasing.

Ultimately, you don’t need to be supermom through every season. Especially in the middle of a big life change, you need to be gentle with yourself. Let go of perfection. Seek joy. Accept help. Celebrate progress. Stay present.

You’re not just surviving you’re doing the brave work of rebuilding. And your kids are watching that strength unfold in real time.